I am mid-way through my last course of chemotherapy. 

This was breakfast yesterday, looks like I’m doing well, OK I guess I am, however it took no less than 42 minutes to clear that plate.  It gets tiresome standing up that long, which I need to do to aid swallowing.  I do at times (did so yesterday) question myself, why am I doing this?  I thought about walking away half way through and binning it.   If I do that the word defeat enters the equation.  I can’t accept that word so I just keep going, however I’ll put my hands up and tell you it’s so, so hard!  Chemo destroys your appetite, so you don’t really want to eat it anyway, then there’s the demoralisation aspect of weight loss, it’s hard to put any on.  But I have tried to pretty up a plate of food - We can only do our best and I will.

Later in the day I had steamed sea bass with Asian herbs served in a minimalist angel hair stir fry.  Four ingredients: small amount of boiled samphire, small amount of chopped chives, five blanched (skin removed) cherry tomatoes, light soy sauce and that’s it.  Plain, uncomplicated and tasty.

I do hope I get my full appetite back after this last course of chemo.  I think I’ve fought hard and well against the problems it has created and I intend to carry on doing the same.

It’s very interesting when I reflect back to early days around my diagnosis.  I had such a limited menu, very few dishes, to the point that I was bored with what I was eating.  Thankfully with the inspiration of friends and trial and error the menu grew and still is. It’s like full time job continually trying to come up with new ideas regarding food.  I would never, ever have believed I could have done this.  But I’m now thinking it could be time to put the two carrier bags of prescription drinks to auction with no reserve, I really could do with the space, I have much wood to gather for next winter!